{pity party}

Table for one.

I'm having a rough night. Usually this hits me once a week or so, if I'm lucky I can go two weeks without feeling like I want to hide in a hole, away from all adult and parental responsibilities. Being a mom is hard. Being a mom to twins is even harder. Being a mom to twins when your husband works the night shift, well hard doesn't even describe that on some nights.

I miss having him here as moral support. I miss having him here when both boys are upset and I have to neglect one to take care of the other. I miss having him in bed with me once the boys are finally asleep and all is quiet in the house. I miss him. And I feel so guilty on nights like this when I'm sobbing and don't want him to leave, because I know that he is feeling guilty and that is the last thing I want to do to him. Our job situation right now isn't ideal, but we are blessed to have enough money to support our family. We are very blessed to not have to put the boys in daycare right now.

I feel like I just can't keep up with the challenges that life is throwing at me on a daily basis. I feel spread so thin that if one more thing is added to my shoulders I'm going to collapse. But I know when that one extra challenge is thrown at me, the hubs will say just the right thing to bring me back to reality, my mother-in-law will drop by to help watch the boys so I can do my laundry, or my parents will offer to watch them so we can go out on a date. I am so thankful for our everyday saviors, who I know are answers to our prayers during this blessed but extremely taxing time in our lives.

I think I'm cried out for the night and hopefully the boys are too.