Whenever I get into a new creative venture, it is super fun for a little while. And then...
Then I put pressure on myself.
To be the best.
To want everyone and their brother to love it.
To make money off of it.
^^^ That last one up there can sure turn into an evil monster.
It sucks and I hate that I do this to myself. But I shouldn't be surprised because I do this quite often. When I get into a new project I fall super hard for it. I love it with every ounce of my being...which is a blessing and a curse.
I have BIG dreams for myself. Some days I work hard to keep reaching them. And some days I laugh at myself and think I'm being ridiculous. I see other creative women living their dreams. And yes, I do have a beautiful life. I wouldn't trade my family for anything. But I sit at a desk from 8-5 every day and daydream about doing the things I love instead.
Some days I am really hard on myself and ask God why it hasn't been my turn yet.
And then I remember that He knows why. And that I sound like a spoiled brat who wants my dreams handed to me on a silver platter. And God is probably laughing a bit at me for thinking I'm so awesome that this dream life should just fall in my lap. Who am I, right? Or maybe I really am worthy and the right time just hasn't come yet?
That is the hardest part. I just don't know, and I'm not supposed to.
So I'll just keep making things. And trying to focus on the process. The happiness that comes from it. And hope that the rest of my big dream will unfold along the way.
Do you struggle with discontentment? Do you have a big dream you're reaching for? I'd love to hear your story in the comments.
I think this is a stuggle for many of us who are creative, ambitious and over-extended.
ReplyDeleteI often remind myself that NOTHING will happen if we do NOTHING. ;) So I think that's enough of a reason to try things and be willing to make mistakes and fail. Most uber-successful people have done it.
Also, I have a hard time narrowing my focus. I just get passionate about so many things. I can't possibly do it all. But, until I know what my "thing" is, I can't really focus on it.
I'm not sure if this makes sense. But, yes, I've been there. I don't know that I'd call it discontentment, though. We are all a little too hard on ourselves.
I'm dealing with discontentment BIG time. I'm not really dealing with it. I don't really know how and I really don't know what would make me happy. I feel kind of lost right now.
ReplyDelete♥ kristen ♥
www.beholdthemetatron.com
Ugh Kristin...I'm so sorry you're dealing with this as well. I hope you are able to find a good focus for yourself soon!
ReplyDeleteI am almost in the same boat.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's a quarter-life crisis creeping up on me. I have a very flexible yet often stressful job that needs me to be available at ANY TIME (even 4am on Sundays occasionally), so my crafting, writing, and blogging have suffered from this. My attention span has been diminished and I am not as social as I used to be. I love my job but I hate how I am unable to completely relax ever even though it's something I want to keep doing. So glad to hear I'm not alone with discontentment. Like Dory says, "just keep swimming!"
- The Other Mandy
whatmandyloves.com
Hi!! I'm a new follower from the giveaway! I struggle with the same things. I'm thinking of changing careers. I'm currently a teacher and things are just getting a little too political for me. It's no longer about the students, it's more about what your county looks like on paper.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to reading more from you!!
Kristin
www.hopelesslyeverafter.blogspot.com
Come by if you want!!
It look me a long time--did I mention I'm 52?!--to learn to love the process instead of freaking out about the product, the end result. I'm a writer, and I still care about what I write, of course, but its success, or failure, no longer defines me. The thing itself is not me; it's simply a part of me. Even though I've been leading workshops for years now, I still get nervous beforehand: Will it go well? Will the participants feel they got their money's worth? I think this kind of questioning is healthy, and maybe even necessary. But if the answers to those questions isn't always a resounding, "you betcha, ALW, we think you're fabulous," I must continue putting one word in front of the other. It's what I do. Keep doing what you do, and one day it will be enough. Trust me...
ReplyDeleteMandy, I've been reading your blog for a while now, but this is the first time I'm commenting (on any blog for that matter). I just want you to know that you have inspired me to flex my doodling skills, and to continue with my creating and blogging. I think what you're feeling is very normal, and everyone goes through feeling frustrated or unhappy with the discrepancy between their day-to-day life and what their expectations are. Just know this: even on the day when you are feeling the most frustrated, you are still inspiring people around you....just by being you. Thank you for your blog and your honesty. "Just keep going."
ReplyDelete~Jenna
www.sullybeanhandmade.blogspot.ca