{bees in my belly}

That up there is the reminder I needed after the rough transition week we've had in our little family. The boys started kindergarten on Monday...if you follow me at all I'm sure you already knew this. :)

And WHOA. What a bumpy ride it has been. 

School sure has changed since the early 80's when I started kindergarten. I remember my Mom walking me into my classroom, getting me settled and saying our good-byes. Now, and I'm sure it is partly because of the school violence we've seen in recent years, it is a whole new ballgame. 

When we drop the boys off at their school, ALL of the children grades K-4 are gathered in the gym, lined up with their class. It is A LOT of kids and really loud. So of course the first day was super overwhelming for the boys. Both Monday and yesterday Landon had a really tough time with it. We had to leave him with the teachers, screaming and crying for us. Talk about the most horrible feeling as a parent ever. Thankfully both days, once he got to his classroom, he was fine and both the boys have enjoyed their days so far.

It has been rougher on my hubby and I for sure. Letting go. Admitting they are grown up. Giving their security and minds over to people we've barely met. Scary stuff. 

We've talked a lot with them about being scared and nervous and what that feels like. 

Ben said it feels like he has "bees in his belly."  

Don't you just love 5-year-old analogies? We've been talking a lot about those bees and how we can acknowledge them but not let them take over. I think this morning the bees were finally making their belly exits for all of us when we dropped the boys off and none of us cried. What a huge victory that felt like. 

The hardest thing for me over the past week has been to put my anxiety aside and show them only my excitement about them starting school. I get my tears out in the shower, the car, sometimes even behind my closed office door. They've seen me a little bit teary, and I think that's completely OK, but they've been spared the ugly cries. Nobody wants to see that. :)

I can honestly say that this has been the biggest parenting test for me since the boys were infants. Going to bed and waking up with a whole swarm of bees in my belly. And not that those times are fun or even desirable, but they sure do make the bee-less times even sweeter. 

Being a person is hard. Being a parent is hard. We all go through ups and downs but ultimately those are what make life exciting and worth living. Can I get an amen? :)

And this post wouldn't be complete without the boys' first day of kindergarten photo...

Handsome devils.