{go with the flow}

Well friends....that is my office there behind me.

Which means one thing. 

My lovely sabbatical is over. All six months of it. Which is SO hard to believe. 

Cue all of the feelings. Seriously...ALL of them within a span of about 4 hours. 

This morning I went from "OK this isn't so bad" to "I might cry" to "NO ONE TALK TO ME!" to "OK my coffee has kicked in I guess people can see me" to "I can totally handle this". 

I really do drive myself nuts, but that's how my brain works. Can you relate? Please...someone tell me yes. It is a rollercoaster living in my mind. 

A virtual amusement park! 😂

But honestly I wouldn't change it for a thing. 

The sabbatical was a tremendous gift.

And as much as I am resisting going back to work, it is here and happening and I'm going to do my best to embrace this new season and look for all of the lessons it will teach me. 

Because I know it will. 

And this is going to be my mantra for the week as I transform back into "professional" Mandy (if that's even a real thing!)...

Maybe you need this reminder right now too? 


XO,

{October happenings}

Hello friends!

How is your October going so far? 

We've been squeezing in all sorts of fun fall activities at our house. The boys are on fall break this week and I've been soaking up being able to enjoy every minute with them (OK..maybe not EVERY minute because 8 year olds are a but nuts, especially after 8 pm 😜 😂). But seriously I'm not taking this time with them for granted, and honestly getting a bit weepy about the fact that I go back to work in two weeks. It will be bittersweet for sure. 

In art news, I've also been working on new illustrations and patterns! I've found that anymore I can't let a day go by without creating something new.

So here are a few peeks into our past week through my Instagram photos...

Morning walk through the park...so lovely. 

Working on some happy fall signs for an upcoming show! Gold sharpies are one of my new favorite things.

Orchard! They still humor me with a photo, even if tongues need to be stuck out.

Outdoor office = sabbatical life.

This needs no explanation, right?

I've been stocking up on cute new dresses and cardigans in anticipation of going back to work on November 1st. (Easing the sting a little, you know?)

The above is an Old Navy dress and TJ Maxx cardigan, and the cardigan below is from my favorite local boutique, Luxe Lizzies!

We are lucky to live super close to an arboretum that has beautiful nature trails. We definitely need to take advantage of it more! This nature walk has been the highlight of my month with them for sure.

Random happy fall doodles

Another sign I'm working on for that upcoming show. These chalkboards are double-sided so I'm thinking about fun double quote concepts. 

A new happy illustration...I have missed doing daily quotes.

And brush lettering! A fun new thing to practice. I'm using Sakura Koi brush markers here. 

Perfect fall break morning (you can grab the mug here)

Pottery painting! It had been awhile since I took the boys to do this, and I was excited to see how much their dexterity and creativity has grown. 

And new patterns!

I can thank my Pattern Camp group for the creation of these. Jessica (our fearless leader) gives us a weekly challenge, and these were acorns and ghosts. So fun!

Here were my original sketches for the ghost pattern...

With my favorite fall treat in hand of course! I ate WAY too much candy corn + peanuts yesterday. Addictive I tell ya!

So whew...that was a lot of photos but a fun recap I think! Hope your October is going along fabulously as well!

XO,

{october must list}

October is here! 

Which also means the LAST month of my sabbatical.

Cue a bit of a freak out.

But it has been so lovely and inspiring to be away from work for this long, and I'm ready to get this month started!

October has always been my favorite month, and I've been excited all year to be able to spend this month away from my office and doing more of all of the things I love about this time of year.

I sat down last night and sketched out a "must list" of some of the things I'm looking most forward to doing during the next 31 days...

1. Orchard trips - We are lucky to have three orchards close to our house and I'm not ashamed to say I've already been to one of them almost a handful of times to pick up cider, donuts, pumpkins and various fall must-haves. I mean, when something so lovely is so seasonal, you gotta get all you can out of it, right? There can never be too many pumpkins.

2. Nature walks - I am really enjoying walks around our neighborhood but could definitely up the number this month. Bonus points for a lot of hills!

3. A good book - I have been reading quite a bit lately and want to get in at least one more before I go back to work. 

This morning I started my first Rob Bell book accompanied by a warm mug of coffee and my favorite blanket. My kind of church...

Traveling Mercies might be the next..we'll see! 

4. Closet clean-out - So this morning I pulled all of my sweaters out of my closet with the intention of purging, but only two made it to the outgoing pile. I might have a bit of a sweater problem. Or addiction. Whatever.

But I did arrange them by color and style...so I feel like I can mark this one halfway off of my list!

5. Coffee dates - OK so this one might just be going to get coffee a lot by myself...I do enjoy my own company. Seriously though I would love to meet up with a few friends for coffee or lunch this month. Last night I texted a friend that I haven't seen in ages and we are planning to meet up so I feel good about this one. It is hard for this introvert to reach out! 

6. Lots of drawing - I mean, of course this is on my list!

7. Podcasts - I've gotten into the habit of listening to more podcasts now that I'm home or at the coffee shop during the day. I've talked quite a bit about Creative Pep Talk. It is my absolute favorite. I've listened to a few others sporadically but would like to find another favorite in the spiritual/self-improvement category. Suggestions happily welcomed! 

What is on your October must list? 

XO,

{moving slowly}

I began writing this blog post with a horrible tension headache this morning. And for me a headache like that = major drama. Like the world is crumbling down around me, 13-year old drama. It is a bit laughable and a lot pitiful.

I can't handle a darn thing in a rational way when I have a headache like that. Is this a thing for other people? I hope so. 

Not that I want others to have horrible headaches, but the whole "my life is in a shambles because I can't see straight" thing. 

I don't want to be the only person alone in that crazy messed-up state. 

But I've come to figure out that my cure (most of the time) for these darn tension headaches is some drawing time + coffee. So after downing 1 1/2 cups of cinnamon coffee (my new favorite find from Kroger. YUM!) and creating some new lettering (up there), I'm feeling clearer and able to handle the day without teenage-like angst. The cool fall breeze is certainly contributing to my mood lift as well!

As a side note, I've been searching for those yellow ball thingamajigs up there for what seems like forever and found some at Hobby Lobby yesterday. Day.made. 

So now to what I really want to chat about...my sabbatical. 

I'm one month into the second half, and I feel like now it is really time to dig in and get to work. August was a total detox period for me. A lot of shedding and figuring out, and letting my intuition guide me a lot more than my to do list. 



One lesson this sabbatical is teaching me is what an immense joy, but also difficult challenge, it is to allow yourself to move slowly through life. 

Like forcing myself to cook eggs for breakfast this morning even though I wanted to grab something quick.

This sabbatical is showing me how much our souls and bodies were created for a slow paced life. One of savoring and paying attention. Two things I've been doing a lot of the past month.  

It is funny how having all of this "free" time works. Yes, technically I'm not at work. But life has a tricky way of filling up that time rather quickly if you let it. Despite the fact that I'm not punching a clock these days, I'm still finding myself overwhelmed most mornings, figuring out how I'm going to fill my time, and what tasks are going to take priority over others. Some days that can be a bit paralyzing. 

So I've decided to adopt a new way dealing with this anxiety. Instead of ignoring it, letting it take over and ruin my day, or taking a pill (which was what I used to do...believing it was the only way I could get through the fog), I'm acknowledging it, embracing it, figuring out what I can learn from it. 

It is magical in a way, when I do it right. 

Often my anxiety is tied to a very concrete thing that I can remedy by simply getting the darn thing done.  Like paying a bill, finishing a project, or changing the cat litter (that last one causes me way too much angst). But sometimes the culprit isn't immediately fixable...and in that case I rely on drawing, crying, praying, taking a walk...whatever helps to clear my head and find a new focus. 

I read somewhere recently that we can learn a lot from our jealousy, and I think that is also true for anxiety. Figuring out where it is stemming from can help us make healthy changes in our life. 

I'm learning so much about myself during this time which is equal parts exciting and scary. Enjoying this new rhythm of life some days so immensely that I don't know how I'm going to adjust to going back to work. But I know that I have to, so I will embrace that too. 

But I'll also remember how good and healing this time felt. 

And I'll carry that with me going forward. 

XO,

{getting unstuck}

I felt stuck this morning. Kind of like I was in the same fog as our backyard this morning.

I was struggling with my drawing. Having a hard time feeling relaxed. Being annoyed with myself for feeling stuck. You know that cycle, right?

So I forced myself to take a walk. And just like I thought...it loosened up all of that yuck that was bogging me down. 

Here are a few bits of my walk including a new friend who I bet is going to turn into something even more beautiful soon...

What is your favorite "get myself unstuck" activity?

By the way I even pulled weeds this morning and enjoyed it. This sabbatical is doing weeeeird things to me! 

XO,

{have no purpose - on purpose}

So this sabbatical thing is a crazy ride.

On one hand (OK both hands really) I am super thankful for it. This time to be home, to pick my boys up from school every day, read a whole book in a day if I want to (who's life is this?!), listen to podcasts for two hours straight. Heaven!

And I am loving it. And also feeling annoyingly guilty about it.

My inner narrative is going something like this:

"Mandy...it is nearly 10 am and all you have done is read, listened to a few podcasts, and eaten breakfast. Surely you can be more productive! Clean up the kitchen! The rug needs vacuumed! And remember that leak in the basement? Surely you need to do something down there. And oh yeah...you need a shower." 

And yes, I can't completely abandon my adult responsibilities. (bummer) But who says that a day can't be spent reading? Other than my inner voice, who apparently has a bit of a tough time relaxing.

I'm curious if you are able to do this when you have the free time. Because all I've wanted to do for a whole week is read, absorb inspiration from as many places as possible, stay home in my comfies, and shower of course (only because I can't handle being stinky).

Reading Present over Perfect has made me think about this even more. Shauna says in the chapter Learning to Play, "Have no purpose - on purpose." But that is so hard, isn't it? To decide that for an hour or even 10 minutes you aren't going to put pressure on yourself to perform a task or create an outcome.

Here's another quote from that chapter:

"What would our lives be like if our days were studded by tiny, completely unproductive, silly, nonstrategic, wild and beautiful five-minute breaks, reminders that our days are for loving and learning and laughing, not for pushing and planning, reminders that it's all about the heart, not the hustle?"

I've never been a big fan of the word "hustle" and even more so now in this season of my life. Certainly there are times to work hard to achieve our dreams, but right now I'm content with filling a few hours with nothing but a good book.

Are you able to work in times of no purpose - on purpose into your life? I'd love to chat more about it with you!

XO,

{sabbatical ramblings}

So before I get into this, let me first say that this post contains a lot of first world problems. You might think I sound like a spoiled brat and to be honest I do as well...but it is how I feel so I'm going with it. And maybe my honesty will help you feel better about something you're going through. 

I've been on sabbatical from my job for over a month now and it has been the biggest rollercoaster of emotion that I was not prepared for. Or maybe I was...I was terrified at the start.

For a good part of the past 5 weeks I've felt lost and disoriented. I had no clue how ingrained my weekday routine was in my subconscious. How much it defined me to have a place to go every day from 8-5 with a set list of responsibilities. 

Sure, the idea of not having to go to work for a good chunk of a time sounded fabulous, but boy it is easier said than done to quit cold turkey and figure out what to do with yourself.

I posted this photo to my Instagram this morning...

And while the caption was true, it isn't the whole story. 

A few hours later and I am sitting in the same spot, coffee cold in my mug, fighting a tension headache, and honestly a pretty big panic attack about what the heck to do with myself today. It is like I've forgotten how to be myself...or am I relearning a new way to be? 

Change has always been super hard for me and I thought I had gotten better at it, but nope, still a struggle. Like doing work from home...huge hurdle for me to overcome. Trying to focus is nearly impossible. (Especially when there is cat puke to clean up and a rug that needs a good vacuum...you know the FUN stuff about being home all day.)

And then there is the tremendous pressure I feel to make huge strides with my art during this time. I'm feeling like a bit of a failure right now because I have no idea what direction to go. Do I create another coloring book? Do I work on prints? Do I keep submitting my artwork to companies for licensing opportunities? I want to do it all but even with this break there isn't enough time in the day. I'm trying my hardest to listen to my intuition, to God, and also pay attention to signs around me to keep me on the right track. Trusting in the universe and all that jazz.

Being home like this is most importantly allowing me to do more for the boys, more for Dan, more around the house. Which is wonderful and overwhelming all at the same time. Like right now I should be doing the dishes right? That pan containing last night's mac-n-cheese isn't going to clean itself. Oh now wouldn't that be nice?  

I know in the long run this break from routine is going to be good for me. I'm going to learn a lot about myself. They say any good change is painful and scary in some way, right? 

Welp...hello fear...please do something good for me. Meanwhile I'm going to microwave my coffee and carry on. 

XO,