This past week I've been in the strange tension between finishing a crap load of work to prepare for three months away from my job, and the anticipation of having twelve straight weeks free from my office. A three-month sabbatical (followed by another of the same length this fall!) is a HUGE blessing and gift. And yet I'm feeling so conflicted.
Feeling all the feels, as the young kids say.
As a bit of a background, my day job is Director of External Relations for a seminary, where I do event planning, fundraising and marketing. And I've been given the awesome opportunity to take a 6 month sabbatical to do research and, most importantly not have to actually GO to work, which is maybe the most amazing professional opportunity, ever.
I've had an 8-5 office job basically since college graduation. As an adult, I've never not worked full time. So for the past 17 years my life has fit into a predictable container. And I've been OK with that for the most part. When I say OK I guess I mean that it is what I expected life to be like...I never stopped to think it could be different.
But it is about to be very different. And this huge shift that is on the immediate horizon is bringing up so many questions and anxieties...my head is spinning. The past two and a half years have been a steady progression of moving more and more into my life as a professional artist (but on a very limited schedule). It hasn't been easy balancing my art with my day job, but it has become such a huge part of my identity that I have found ways to make it work.
This break will be the first time I've been able to focus on creating for more than an hour at a time, after the boys go to bed or on the weekend. I have lofty intentions for this time, which is equal parts exhilarating and, let's be honest, freaking scary.
I have been working on this blog post since this past Monday and couldn't quite pull it together, and then came across the quote up there and it stated perfectly how I feel. I'm allowing this big chunk of free time + the place I want to get to with my art bring out all of my fears and anxieties. I need to allow myself to let this time be an inspiration, to encourage me and not paralyze me.
Do you feel the same way about something in your life right now? Is there a goal you want to reach or a place you want to be that's leaving you feeling anxious and paralyzed instead of encouraged and inspired?
Let's promise each other that we'll let that space between where we are and where we want to be give us tons of inspiration...that potential should encourage us!
What intention can you work on today? No matter how small or large, give it the space to grow.