Wednesday, August 14, 2013

{bees in my belly}

That up there is the reminder I needed after the rough transition week we've had in our little family. The boys started kindergarten on Monday...if you follow me at all I'm sure you already knew this. :)

And WHOA. What a bumpy ride it has been. 

School sure has changed since the early 80's when I started kindergarten. I remember my Mom walking me into my classroom, getting me settled and saying our good-byes. Now, and I'm sure it is partly because of the school violence we've seen in recent years, it is a whole new ballgame. 

When we drop the boys off at their school, ALL of the children grades K-4 are gathered in the gym, lined up with their class. It is A LOT of kids and really loud. So of course the first day was super overwhelming for the boys. Both Monday and yesterday Landon had a really tough time with it. We had to leave him with the teachers, screaming and crying for us. Talk about the most horrible feeling as a parent ever. Thankfully both days, once he got to his classroom, he was fine and both the boys have enjoyed their days so far.

It has been rougher on my hubby and I for sure. Letting go. Admitting they are grown up. Giving their security and minds over to people we've barely met. Scary stuff. 

We've talked a lot with them about being scared and nervous and what that feels like. 

Ben said it feels like he has "bees in his belly."  

Don't you just love 5-year-old analogies? We've been talking a lot about those bees and how we can acknowledge them but not let them take over. I think this morning the bees were finally making their belly exits for all of us when we dropped the boys off and none of us cried. What a huge victory that felt like. 

The hardest thing for me over the past week has been to put my anxiety aside and show them only my excitement about them starting school. I get my tears out in the shower, the car, sometimes even behind my closed office door. They've seen me a little bit teary, and I think that's completely OK, but they've been spared the ugly cries. Nobody wants to see that. :)

I can honestly say that this has been the biggest parenting test for me since the boys were infants. Going to bed and waking up with a whole swarm of bees in my belly. And not that those times are fun or even desirable, but they sure do make the bee-less times even sweeter. 

Being a person is hard. Being a parent is hard. We all go through ups and downs but ultimately those are what make life exciting and worth living. Can I get an amen? :)

And this post wouldn't be complete without the boys' first day of kindergarten photo...
Handsome devils. 

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Alyson McMahon said...

Oh, Mandy! I'm so sorry that the boys (and you) had such a rough start to the week. It's tough letting them go, and like you said, especially tough because we don't always know their teachers. So glad though to hear that everyone had a good morning! And, the crying thing.. I have a post in draft about that! Too funny. You're right, letting them see you a little teary is good, letting them see the ugly cry in this situation would probably make it worse on them. Isn't it so hard though to hold back those emotions? You're such a good mama. And, they're lucky to have you. I hope that the rest of the school year is as simple as today was!

Ooh Baby! said...

Ugh, this is soooooo hard! I know you'll hear this over and over but they will be okay. My first one, Jonah, said "bye mom" and never looked back. The second one, Rowan, said "but mommy, I miss you when I'm there"...Guess what? Both broke my heart :-) Hang in there...

Jibby Calosu said...

I can feel what you feel too because I have a little girl also in which it is her first time going to school. I really have a hard time at first adjusting but I'm happy because she will be able to meet different types of people where she will develop her socialization.

Amy Lyles Wilson said...


Sarah S. said...

omg.... I totally relate to this post. My son started Pre-k and his first day of school was literally the saddest day of my life. He was so upset and even screamed for me as the teacher pulled him away into the class. I tried to be so strong and happy in front of him but the second the door closed from his classroom my heart sank and I started crying I'm happy to say now that he love's school and we have gotten into a great routine But it really is hard to face the fact that they grow SO fast!


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