Thursday, September 01, 2016

{moving slowly}

I began writing this blog post with a horrible tension headache this morning. And for me a headache like that = major drama. Like the world is crumbling down around me, 13-year old drama. It is a bit laughable and a lot pitiful.

I can't handle a darn thing in a rational way when I have a headache like that. Is this a thing for other people? I hope so. 

Not that I want others to have horrible headaches, but the whole "my life is in a shambles because I can't see straight" thing. 

I don't want to be the only person alone in that crazy messed-up state. 

But I've come to figure out that my cure (most of the time) for these darn tension headaches is some drawing time + coffee. So after downing 1 1/2 cups of cinnamon coffee (my new favorite find from Kroger. YUM!) and creating some new lettering (up there), I'm feeling clearer and able to handle the day without teenage-like angst. The cool fall breeze is certainly contributing to my mood lift as well!

As a side note, I've been searching for those yellow ball thingamajigs up there for what seems like forever and found some at Hobby Lobby yesterday. Day.made. 

So now to what I really want to chat sabbatical. 

I'm one month into the second half, and I feel like now it is really time to dig in and get to work. August was a total detox period for me. A lot of shedding and figuring out, and letting my intuition guide me a lot more than my to do list. 

One lesson this sabbatical is teaching me is what an immense joy, but also difficult challenge, it is to allow yourself to move slowly through life. 

Like forcing myself to cook eggs for breakfast this morning even though I wanted to grab something quick.

This sabbatical is showing me how much our souls and bodies were created for a slow paced life. One of savoring and paying attention. Two things I've been doing a lot of the past month.  

It is funny how having all of this "free" time works. Yes, technically I'm not at work. But life has a tricky way of filling up that time rather quickly if you let it. Despite the fact that I'm not punching a clock these days, I'm still finding myself overwhelmed most mornings, figuring out how I'm going to fill my time, and what tasks are going to take priority over others. Some days that can be a bit paralyzing. 

So I've decided to adopt a new way dealing with this anxiety. Instead of ignoring it, letting it take over and ruin my day, or taking a pill (which was what I used to do...believing it was the only way I could get through the fog), I'm acknowledging it, embracing it, figuring out what I can learn from it. 

It is magical in a way, when I do it right. 

Often my anxiety is tied to a very concrete thing that I can remedy by simply getting the darn thing done.  Like paying a bill, finishing a project, or changing the cat litter (that last one causes me way too much angst). But sometimes the culprit isn't immediately fixable...and in that case I rely on drawing, crying, praying, taking a walk...whatever helps to clear my head and find a new focus. 

I read somewhere recently that we can learn a lot from our jealousy, and I think that is also true for anxiety. Figuring out where it is stemming from can help us make healthy changes in our life. 

I'm learning so much about myself during this time which is equal parts exciting and scary. Enjoying this new rhythm of life some days so immensely that I don't know how I'm going to adjust to going back to work. But I know that I have to, so I will embrace that too. 

But I'll also remember how good and healing this time felt. 

And I'll carry that with me going forward. 


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