Whenever I get into a new creative venture, it is super fun for a little while. And then...
Then I put pressure on myself.
To be the best.
To want everyone and their brother to love it.
To make money off of it.
^^^ That last one up there can sure turn into an evil monster.
It sucks and I hate that I do this to myself. But I shouldn't be surprised because I do this quite often. When I get into a new project I fall super hard for it. I love it with every ounce of my being...which is a blessing and a curse.
I have BIG dreams for myself. Some days I work hard to keep reaching them. And some days I laugh at myself and think I'm being ridiculous. I see other creative women living their dreams. And yes, I do have a beautiful life. I wouldn't trade my family for anything. But I sit at a desk from 8-5 every day and daydream about doing the things I love instead.
Some days I am really hard on myself and ask God why it hasn't been my turn yet.
And then I remember that He knows why. And that I sound like a spoiled brat who wants my dreams handed to me on a silver platter. And God is probably laughing a bit at me for thinking I'm so awesome that this dream life should just fall in my lap. Who am I, right? Or maybe I really am worthy and the right time just hasn't come yet?
That is the hardest part. I just don't know, and I'm not supposed to.
So I'll just keep making things. And trying to focus on the process. The happiness that comes from it. And hope that the rest of my big dream will unfold along the way.
Do you struggle with discontentment? Do you have a big dream you're reaching for? I'd love to hear your story in the comments.