Thursday, May 08, 2008

{on hold}

As excited as I am about becoming a mom, and meeting my boys, I'm frustrated right now because my entire life is on hold. I'm not working (not that I'm totally upset about that), can't go out shopping for fun things or necessities, and can barely make it to the doctor's office and back without feeling like I'm going to pass out. Showering is my big activity for the day. Fixing my hair and putting on make-up are pretty much luxuries that I have to save for doctor's visit days.

I want to scrapbook so bad right now...I have lots of pictures and tons of creative ideas floating around in my head, but sadly I can't even handle the physical requirements of sitting at a table and making a scrapbook layout. I'm pretty much stuck on the couch all day watching bad daytime TV...although I am enjoying getting to watch Ellen and A Baby Story on TLC (until they start screaming in pain, then I change the channel.) I also want to decorate the nursery but that is going to have to wait until they are here and I'm healed enough to maneuver up the stairs and lift things.

Going through this has made me realize that the world isn't going to end if I can't get things done on my schedule, or done exactly the way I would do them. I have realized that I'm more of a control freak than I thought I was, so this has been good for me in that way. It is hard for me to accept help from others, but I'm so thankful that I have Dan, his mom and my parents who have been a true Godsend through all of this.

Don't get me wrong...I know this is all going to be more worth it than I even realize right now, but I miss the old Mandy and hope she comes back really soon...even if she is only around for a few hours a week. :)

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